Relationships: Igniting Sparks or Keeping Them Flying
Many people want to know where the sparks come from that ignite and absolutely light up relationships. I can’t say I know all the secrets, but experience certainly knows a few. Here is the best advice about relationships experience has taught me.
1. Create new experiences together. Couples get bored of doing the same things all the time. Remember the excitement when you first started dating someone? Every experience is new and exciting. If you are just starting to see someone, try going on an out-of-the-ordinary date. Dinner and a movie is often way to expected. Don’t get too comfortable once you get into a routine with your partner. Find some adventure! If you practice spontaneity in your relationships, it can go a long way. Keep your partner curious about the different ways you show you care, and keep surprising your partner.
2. Do the “What am I looking for?” test. Write down 5-10 things you want in a relationship and see how many of those are needs. For example, “I want someone who loves me. I want someone who keeps me company. I want someone who tells me I’m pretty cool.” These all sound loving and romantic, but they are all needs. The only want you should truly have is to want someone who loves you unconditionally for who you are. If you have too many needs, change your qualifications. And most important, you need to demonstrate the qualities in yourself that you want to attract for a partner. This leads into the next step…
3. Can you love yourself? This is one of the most important steps. If you can’t love yourself, you are sending out a constant statement that you don’t deserve to be loved. In turn, you will find yourself in unstable need-based relationships all the time. However, if you can truly love yourself, you are sending out a statement that you have a lot to be loved for. By loving yourself, others will want to share that love, and you will be glowing with attraction. Its funny how this step works.
4. Love unconditionally. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love “unconditionally” from the start. This means that you eventually need to end up in a relationship because of a genuine loving admiration of your significant other. This also means you are not in the relationship because of and needs. Unconditional love gets tricky to identify sometimes. Women often need a sense of security and are attracted to companions who are good providers. Men often want their companion to be affectionate and good looking. These are needs in their most basic form. Sometimes relationships start out with need, but if they don’t shift to unconditional love, then they will end. Because the moment the need isn’t fulfilled, the partner will move onto someone else who fulfills that need. So ask yourself, “Do I need a relationship, or am I looking for a relationship to share unconditional love?
5. Resilience. If you think your relationship is going to be perfect, get a reality check. You and your partner will both have differences at some point. Your differences are what create interest and excitement. However, if you let your differences get in your way, it can also ruin your relationship. This is where resilience comes in. No matter how different you and your partner are, you need to share common experience and create ways to overcome your differences. So the more you practice understanding differences, and loving those differences – the happier the relationship will be.
6. Communication. You shouldn’t hide anything. Hiding indicates a lack of self-love and untrustworthiness. One person said, “Love is being able to tell your partner the worst thing about you, and they are completely okay with it.” You have to stay on the same page. If you aren’t communicating, then you aren’t loving. Communication creates the synergistic flow of the feelings, emotions, and expressions that carry love. We don’t just communicate by words either.
7. Are you best friends with your partner? You can’t be lovers all the time. You have to enjoy spending time with your partner. You may not always agree about watching football or a romantic movie together; but no matter what you do, you have to enjoy being together. Its important to be best friends.
8. Get advice from others who have healthy relationships. You will find they have a lot in common… And on that note, what advice do you have? Let’s hear your comments about what keeps the sparks flying or sets them off in relationships.
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